oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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