You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
