This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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