I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
