going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
