i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
