It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
