So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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