giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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