Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
