Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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