Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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