Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
