dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
