This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
