chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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