Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
