Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
