With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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