Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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