I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
