My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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