I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
