I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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