Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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