We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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