theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
