I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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