I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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