It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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