with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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