he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
