We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
