just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
