i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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