Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
