so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
