i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
