I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
