eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
