She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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