I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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