i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
FUCK WHALES
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
