I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
MIDGETS
????
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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