Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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