It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
