i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
