I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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