my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im about as happy as oj after his trial
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
