that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
