You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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