Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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