I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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