My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
