So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize