perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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