: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
