Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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