looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
