anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
