I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
