Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
