You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You made out with two different species that night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize