my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
