Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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