And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Drake has all the answers
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
