I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
