overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
