And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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