hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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