You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
