I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
