You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
