Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
